does it even matter?
Sunday, April 23, 2006
i woke up late. duh
obvious.
i expected it and it happened.
cos if u dont believe
then u know it wont happen.
came to sch about 10.30.
marked like two books
cos yah one book has abt 30pages to be marked
cos i have been slacking.
then left at 11.45 and took home the books.
yupz! about 30+ of them.
been watching greys the whole day.
even got my sis in on it.
she's been wanting to watch greys
but she's been to busy.
watched a whole of 5 episodes in a row.
thats like freaking 5 hours wasted.
anyways think i'm in love with kate walsh.
she's the actress that plays dr. addison mongtomery sheperd.
sighs.
haha..she's one sweet bitch..haha u know like bette.
the kind of women i like.
bah!
anyways yesh.. she's hot and steaming.
and i think in the show she should have gone with mark
instead of staying with mcdreamy.
oh wellz.. :P
she's actually blonde!
haha..i dont know. just like looking at her. then went to take a short nap.
nap: 4-5 hours of sleep.
woke up at ten with a fucking headache.
watched two more eps of greys.
and now here i am after running down to esso
to buy oreos and milk cos i saw ashley judd eat it on tv.
someone like you was on tv.
and so here i begin with my marking marathon.
place bets on what time i sleep?
listening to my emo
drinking my farmhouse
not yet munching oreos
and marking maths workbooks.
thats the life.
and its a saturday night.
so, does it even matter that u like to spend saturday night
cooped up at home? and the scariest part is..you enjoy it!
and does it even matter that having alone time means
more to you than having sex...
never thought i'd say that.
but yeah.. sex is overrated anyways.
so i'll wait for my legal profession fella
till then..i'm gonna spend saturdays sleeping.
ps. today i did not fag. swear. =)
--insignificant lies--
12:15 am
i believe in a real world.
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
*i love her. and her bra* its freaking confusing aint it.
i dun really noe what to say
nothing to say really.
i'm just moving as a cloud.
only focusing on thursday.
thursday night.
sighs.
party.
then u feel like you're lost.
like nothing matters
except that moment.
and thats why you go.
all the time.
saturday i got to see her.
=)
big smile for me.
but sadness. cos..you know its not the same
it will never be the same.
and u wish and u wish for tmr.
but u know tmr WILL NEVER come.
and its been too long to pick up again.
four years since i've heard her say "i love you"
even if its just as a friend.
were we even friends?
i want closure damn it.
a chance to sit with her and talk
just talk.
about what happened.
about how i felt.
about how she felt.
and i don't care if she even says"hey, i think you're a freak and i got scared"
i don't care anymore.
i just need to express myself to her
the way we did so easily.
the way she trusted me with her life
and i with mine.
and i would never dream of anything more
never.
cos i know where my position stands
all i want is closure.
a part of me knows goin back to yesterday is hazardous
so i just want to close it.
to end it.
to stop it.
once and for all.
and to get all the answers that i need from her.
so many questions.
so many that i want to share.
sighs.
im mellow.
you're so beautiful.
inside.
inside.
and all i need to make me smile
is to see you happy =)
--insignificant lies--
2:48 am
i'm secretly falling apart.
Thursday, April 06, 2006
ok.
first.
its not a secret anymore.
second.
freaking out.
major.
third.
need fag.
but run out already.
forth..FUCK IT ALL.
i need to concentrate on me.
i love me.
more than anybody else.
lets face the facts.
and i'm here rambling still.
need to stop wasting time
and changing my freaking life.
stop all the nonsense.
anyways i was bored.
so i did those pics.
and i am emo girl!
--insignificant lies--
11:43 pm
i can't get to you
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
you're so far away.
and i'm standing here?
my eyes still look at you
wishing and wishing
fucking wishing
you were mine
i see your porcelain face
and wish to hold
maybe to touch once
maybe twice
and how i wish.
how i wish
everything would be like my dreams
like my heart
like my soul
and you will see me.
just turn around
and see me.i cant even write properly
anymore.
i really have nothing left.
i've got a 9oclock.
night.
--insignificant lies--
12:36 am
strange and beautiful- aqualung
Monday, April 03, 2006
i just love this song.
I've been watching your world from afar
I've been trying to be where you are
And I've been secretly falling apart
Unseen
To me, you're strange and you're beautiful
You'd be so perfect with me
But you just can't see
You turn every head but you don't see me
I'll put a spell on you
You'll fall asleep
When I put a spell on you
And when I wake you I'll be the first thing you see
And you'll realize that you love me
Yeah
Ye-ah
Sometimes the last thing you want comes in first
Sometimes the first thing you want never comes
But I know that waiting is all you can do
Sometimes
I'll put a spell on you
You'll fall asleep
When I put a spell on you
And when I wake you I'll be the first thing you see
And you'll realise that you love me
I'll put a spell on you
You'll fall asleep
Cause I put a spell on you
And when I wake you I'll be the first thing you see
And you'll realize that you love me, yeah
Yeah
Ye-ah
Yeah
Ye-ah
--insignificant lies--
4:11 am
working all night.and sleeping all day?
Sunday, April 02, 2006
i have so many weaknesses in me.
too many to mention
and my heart sinks deeper knowing that i'm not
as strong as i seem.
i'm good at pretending.
that is why i love bette.
she's me. that alpha female.
the kind that's got it in control.
almost.
well suffice it maybe i just want to be like her
but i do see the similarities and thats why i feel
i can connect to her.
her relationship
with tina.. reflects so much the way i feel for women.
the way i want to feel
and what these women do to me.
the intricacies of being in love with a women
the pain and heartache.
and the beauty.
tina and bette love each other.
but tina's maybe not IN love with bette anymore.
they've outgrown each other.
and they have too many issues.
and when they were together it was magical.
it was everything.
but nothing is perfect.
and now bette after tina..
i can see that crazy side..but that grounded side
and that side of want..of need..
of confusion..
but i know my bette and she's right..
"they can fucking have her!"
love bette.
she's the woman i want to be.
the kind of fren i want to be.
the kind of mother i want to be.
the kind of lover i want to be.
i'm halfway there..
halfway to where iw ant to be..
i want to be successful in life..
i want to be respected.
and i want ppl to look at me
and know they can depend on me..
i just want to be appreciated.
all of us want to be appreciated dont we?
i just dont feel it yet.
soon.
=)
--insignificant lies--
10:55 pm
